Urges
by amy6776
Summary: Kyle's thoughts and feelings when Jessi is sick.Kind of following my other one shot, basically it's the events from tell-tale heart, in Kyle's p.o.v, sorry i suck at summaries. some things are changed from the episode and I hope you all enjoy it. Kessi :


**AU: ( This is a one shot, basically the evens from the tell-tale heart, but it kyle pov and some things are changed.**

_Italics are when they are in a memory** )**_

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><p>As soon as I realized Jessi was lying beside me, I got already knowing where she was and I already knew what she was doing. She was setting at my desk, typing on the computer and I knew she was trying to find a lead on what happened to Sara. "Hey, are you ok?" I asked, but like always, she avoided answering the question.<p>

"I've just been doing some research. I tapped into the rental car company's records and it turns out Sara returned her car the day after she supposedly left town." She said in one breath but I wasn't surprised.

"It was definitely Sara?" I couldn't help but ask.

"I called the rental company. The car was dropped off… I mean, nobody saw her, exactly. But it still could've been Sara." She had so much doubt but at the same time she had a trace of hope in her voice and my heart broke when I realized there was nothing I could do except help her find the truth.

"That's true." all of the sudden I felt something weird, indescribable. I looked at Jessi and she looked like she was in pain. "What's the matter?"

"Uh nothing. Just a headache." I could tell it was more than that but I wasn't going to push her. She looked up at me, her eyes filled with hope. "We'll find her, right?"

I don't know why I hesistated, maybe it was because of the way she was looking at me, maybe because I didn't want to tell her what I really feared might have happened to her mother, or maybe because I never wanted her to feel hurt or sad like last night again.

"We'll find her." I tried to say reassuringly but she smiled weakly and my breath caught. I prayed that even against all the possibilities, Sara was still alive and once again, Jessi would find happiness and love. Though I wish my feelings for her were enough, I knew she had to find the truth about Sara and I had promised to be there for her to the end and I would.

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><p>Me and Jessi were at Latnok, and though we tried to not look suspicious, Jessi looked troubled and that made us stand out. "Stop it." I said as she continued to look around for Cassidy. I could feel her emotions and feelings but I prayed she wouldn't act on them because I could sense she wasn't to hurt him, though not that I could blame her.<p>

"Stop what?" she asked, feigning innocence.

"You're looking for Cassidy. Don't." I knew I sounded like I didn't care, but I did and I hoped she knew that.

"I'm just wondering where he is." Her voice sounded hurt and I wanted to stop what I was doing and take her hand and tell her everything was going to be alright, but I didn't.

I looked away from the computer and at her, but she didn't want to look at me. "We can't let him know we suspect he's involved in Sara's disappearance. It'll just make it harder to find what he's hiding." I tried to explain.

"I know."

"So act normal."

"I could make him tell us what's hiding." She suggested and I wanted to smile.

"That's not acting normal." I said but I felt her heart beat start to increase and I knew she was getting mad.

"You don't understand Kyle." She tried to say but I cut her off.

"You think this is easy for me? Pretending to set here and act like I don't know that he's the reason you hurting? Jessi this isn't easy, I'm angry and upset and there is nothing more than I'd like to do then go up to him and hurt him, and the worse part is, there is nothing I can do to make you stop hurting and it's killing me." I said and her eyes soften but only for a second. Once again I felt that weird feeling like that was wrong and I looked at her, and once again she was in pain. I glanced to were she was looking at and I seen him.

I don't know what angered me more, the fact that he seemed so calm after he had possible hurt someone and act like nothing happened or the fact that he had always seemed so calm around Jessi knowing he was the reason for her mother's disappearance.

"My head." She said and her fingers were pressed up against her forehead.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"You can do this." I said, knowing Cassidy was walking towards us.

She nodded and Cassidy came over, looking at me first. "Hi. How are my two favorite brainiacs this morning?"

I smiled, "Good, thanks."

He looked at Jessi and she just mumbled fine. "Is everything all right?" He asked like he pretended to care, but I knew different.

Before she had a chance to say anything, I spoke up. "She's just been tired. Maybe you're coming down with something." I suggested to her. I was worried that maybe she wasn't all right.

"No, I'm fine."

I wanted to argue with her, but with Cassidy standing there, I didn't.

"I'll have them fix u a cup of tea, you'll feel better." He said.

"You don't have to do that."

Cassidy shook his head, "It's all right. I'm here to help."

I could feel Jessi's annoyance and anger and was glad Cassidy was starting to walk away.

I braced myself. "You know the plan. Copy his cell's memory card and then get out."

"Yeah just make sure you but me enough time." and with that we got up, heading to Cassidy's office.

"I'll try." I got up with my computer and headed to Cassidy. He was setting at the counter waiting for his order. "Do you have time for a demonstration?" I asked and I could tell he was slightly uninterested.

"Yeah, absolutely. What you got?"

I placed the computer down and showed him the models, going into almost every detail to by some time. but after two minuets I was getting a little anxious. Cassidy started to walk away and I overheated one of the lights, making it explode. That would by me some time. I walked towards his office when I noticed Jessi wasn't alone.

"Jessi, are you ok?" I asked, and Jessi and Nate looked at me.

"I don't know, I feel strange." She said weakly. I walked over to her. "I'm going to take you home." I said to her, putting my arm around her waist and held her other hand. We walked out, leaving Nate inside the office.

"What took you so long? I was getting worried." I said, still holding her hand and a part of me didn't want to let it go.

"I wanted Sara's ring but I didn't have enough time."

"Good, he would've missed it." I said as we walked up the stairs.

"I hate that he has it. It's hers Kyle."

"We'll get it back eventually. That was a good cover with Nate. I really thought you were sick." I said and all of the sudden she went limp and I caught her in my arms. My heart started racing and I was worried. "Jessi!"

I helped her set down on the stairs and she leaned against the wall. "Are you ok?" I asked and I couldn't mask the concern in my voice.

"What happened?" She sounded confused like she didn't remember.

"You fainted." I sat beside her facing her but I couldn't stop myself from getting closer to her. "I thought you were pretending and then you just… are you ok?"

"Yeah. I guess I got a little dizzy."

"This is a lot to deal with. If you need to take some time."

Jessi cut me off, "No."

"Jessi…"

"Thank you for looking out for me, but you promised you'd help." She said looking my in my eyes as if searching to see if I was backing out.

"And I will, but…"

"Kyle, I'm fine." I wanted to argue, I wanted to tell her she wasn't fine, but the look in her eyes stopped me. "Let's go home and check out Cassidy's call log." I said, giving in and helping her up.

I suddenly wished I had a car because I didn't want her to walk all the way home. I would have suggested me carrying her, but I knew she would refuse though a part of me wish we wouldn't. So side by side we walked home slowly with our hands joined and I didn't care what it looked like to anyone else.

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><p>We made a time log, calculating ever minuet about that night and I couldn't help but feel guilty. Jessi's choice to come save me when she felt my distress caused all of this. I knew she blamed herself because she wasn't there for Sara, but I blamed myself for being the reason she left. If Amanda and I had both went in and got her purse, then none of this would have happened and Jessi would be with her mother being happy. But I didn't voice my thoughts to her.<p>

"You find anything?"

She shook her head, still going through Cassidy's calls. "No, just that Cassidy like to order takeout a lot. He likes Pizza. His phone logs aren't giving us anything. It would help if we had a record of Sara's calls."

"Sara was always on the run. She wasn't the kind to use a regular cell phone." I didn't realize my slip up until Jessi corrected me.

"Isn't. She isn't the kind of person." She sounded cold and hard and I cursed myself for not thinking.

"You're right. We still don't know anything for sure. I'm sorry." She glanced at me again and I wanted to hit myself for causing her any doubt. "No one can just disappear." I said while Jessi was standing beside me looking at our time chart.

"We should go back to the apartment and take a look around."

"I think we're too late. Nicole's already scrubbed the place and Josh and Andy have cleaned." I said a little quickly. "But you were there that night. You're a witness." I said, thinking of my own abilities to be able to look back in my memories and I knew if I could, Jessi could also.

"Kyle, Sara was gone when I got I got back. I didn't see anything."

"You don't know if you saw anything, but if you access your holographic memory, you might find a clue."

She shook her head, "I don't know how to do that." She said angrily.

"I'll walk you through it. You can recall your experiences that night and examine your memories."

Jessi looked unsure, like she didn't want to have hope only to find nothing again. "I don't know."

I looked into her eyes once more. "I'll be right here for you." I held out my hands to her and she hesitated. I could feel being nervous and scared and I hated it.

"Ok." And she took my hands, slowly and causational. "How do I do it?" She asked and I felt her warm hands against mine.

"You just need to focus."

She closed her eyes and I closed mine and after a minuet, she said nothing was happening.

"Just relax Jessi."

"I am relaxed."

"More relaxed."

"No." And she took her hands away form mine and I missed the warmth once again.

Jessi looked scared and vulnerable, "You should get in my tub." I suggested.

"Really?" she asked, looking back tot eh tub and back at me unsure.

"It helps me."

She walked over to it and got in while I kneeled down beside her. "Lay back." I said gently and she did. While she looked up at me I couldn't help but to touch her arm. "Ok, are you ready?" She barely nodded, just kept eye contact with me. "Ok close your eyes." She did. "Concentrate on that night you left Latnok and you went back to the apartment."

"_It was dark when I opened the door to the apartment. It was quite." "Sara?"_

I watched as her body tensed up, as she was reliving that night. "You're ok. I'm here with you." More than anything I wished I could have relived it instead of her. "What happens next?"

"_I saw the letter and I read it. She said she left. She couldn't be my mother anymore."_

"But Sara didn't write the letter. Remember? Cassidy did." I said, trying to calm her down.

"Cassidy." Jessi mumbled.

"You saw him that night too."

Jessi nodded slightly. "That's when we met."

"_He was friendly, relaxed. He had his dog with him. Nothing strange."_

"Then you left to help me and I met Cassidy when we were at Latnok." Jessi opened her eyes and looked at me confused. "What is it?"

"When I got back to the apartment, Cassidy was already there in the hall. He got back from Latnok so quickly, ahead of me."

"Why would he have to rush? What did you see when you got back?" Jessi closed her eyes and concentrated again.

"_The elevator opened up and as I was stepping out, I almost ran into Cassidy. He said sorry. He was going to do his laundry. He's just standing there, holding the basket."_

"There has to be something." I said, trying to get her to remember anything at all.

_I looked down as Cassidy was talking, and I noticed something white, like a white towel and it had a red stain on it._

Jessi jolted up, like she was afraid. She was trying to catch her breath. "What is it? What did you see?"

Her lips were trembling, "Blood." And with that word, she feel back in the tub slowly, almost delirious.

"Jessi are you ok?" I said, panic started to sink in and I laid my palm on her cheek and jerked it back for a second. "You're burning up."

She trembled and looked like she was starting to cry. I ran out of the room and grabbed a rag and wet it with cold water. Jessi was still in the tub, twisting and turning slightly. I wiped some of the sweat away from her face, trying to get her temperature down.

"How's she doing?" Nichole asked, looking concerned.

"We couldn't.." Jessi mumbled incoherently.

Nichole had a glass of water and a bowl and down.

"She's still running a fever. 101.3 down from 102 a couple of minutes ago but up from 100.8 at the hour." I said without thinking

"A human thermometer. That can come in handy." Nichole commented. "Poor thing." she said as she took the rag and continued doing was I was doing while I tried to get Jessi to drink some water. "Why won't it do down?" I asked frustrated.

"Well a fever is just the body fighting off an illness. As long as it doesn't get too high, it's good that she's sleeping it off. People get sick, it happens. Not really to you and Jessi, but."

I shook my head. "It's just that there's no other physiological sign of illness."

"That can happen with a virus." She said and it gave me an idea as I looked up at her. "What is it?"

"Jessi and I discovered some new information about Sara. I don't think she abandoned Jessi. I think something happened to her. She's been really upset about it and then the fever." I explained.

"So you think her illness if psychosomatic?"

I nodded, "Yes. But how do I treat a psychosomatic problem?" I felt so useless, looking down at Jessi.

"We might be able to help her with therapy, but we need to get her fever down first."

I sighed. "Right, treat the symptoms. I think I have an idea." I got up and left Jessi with Nichole and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a bucket and filled it with ice. I had read that in extreme circumstances with someone who had a fever, it could be brought down when the person was exposed to cold temperature. So I filled it up with ice and ran back to me room.

Gently Nicole and I filled the tub with ice. "I never thought I'd see your tub being used as an actual tub."

"Her temperature's still not dropping!"

"We just put the ice in. Give it a little time." she said trying to calm me, but it was working too well.

I grabbed Jessi's hand and caressed it. "Do you think she knows deep down, that Sara's not ok?"

"It's possible. Her reaction, the fever, maybe her body is fighting her deep rooted anxiety as if it were some kind of infection. Almost like she knows what happened."

Thoughts ran through my mind. "What if she does?"

"You mean like a suppressed memory?"

"What if Jessi witnessed something, something she did realize she seen?"

"Kyle if that were true, then she wouldn't want to go back there."

I nodded my agreeing with her, "But I could go back with her."

"Kyle if I could understand what you're talking about, I'm not sure it's the best way."

"I know its extreme, but I have to help her. I have to try everything I can. I've been able to help you, the whole family, Amanda, but not her. I have to do this." there was nothing else I could say but I knew I needed to do this.

Nichole looked at me for a second then whispered ok. I looked down at Jessi and took her hand, and though it had been lying on ice, it had still felt warm. "Jessi, I want to help you. I can try and access your memories but I need your permission." I said, running my other hand over her hair, pushing it away from her face.

"Just want to sleep." Jessi whispered and I couldn't take it no longer, I hated this feeling.

"Sleeping won't help you feel better. This might."

"I don't want to…"

"We should try." She opened her eyes and even though she looked dehydrated and sick, she still looked as beautiful as an angel. "Remember, I'm still here with you."

She looked so weak and if I could, I would have given her my strength, but I couldn't. "All right."

I nodded my head and closed my eyes and concentrated. What I seen was just glances, but I felt them just like Jessi had. The first was the night we first seen each other through the fire. I had been so confused when I felt a connection with someone I had never met before but I'd of been lying if I didn't say she was incredibly beautiful.

The second was when we actually first met and talked. I had walked into my room and there she was, setting in my tub. I didn't realize it then and nor did she that we both were more alike that anyone else.

The third flash was that day she ran away. I remember feeling nothing but scared and anxious when I seen here standing on that ledge, wanting to jump. I held out my hand to her without hesitation despite all the bad things she had done. She was crying and she took my hand and there I felt that connection once again. I pulled her to me and hugged her, calming her down as she cried against my shoulder. My emotions were haywire that day.

The fourth flash was the day I had kissed her, trying to experiment with electricity. I didn't admit it then, nor now that I felt something, something I didn't want to admit. The second my lips touched hers was something I couldn't describe but it felt like a moment that time couldn't define.

I broke the connection and Nichole looked at me with question. "What is it?"

"I feel like I'm invading her privacy." I said and in a way, that was the truth. "She's remembering all these moments that she's had with me."

"Sometimes people hide disturbing thoughts or emotions with ones that calm them. Almost like a child who puts a blanket over a stuffed animal that frightens them when it's time to go to sleep."

I nodded, "So I'm the blanket."

"But you can't be forever. Not if you want her to face her memories."

I wanted to be her blanket. I wanted her to know she could rely on me for anything, but I knew Nichole was right. "They must be very intense."

"Kyle, you don't have to be the one to do this."

I looked at Nichole with defiance, "Yes. I do. I want to keep trying."

"I'll leave you alone for a little while."

I nodded and watched as she walked out the room. After Nichole was gone, I took a hold of Jessi's hand again. "Jessi I want to try again. But I need you to help me." She opened her eyes and I found myself lost in them. "Think of a time when you were happy, safe. Focus on that memory and I'll be there I promise."

I closed my eyes again and concentrated and found myself lying beside Jessi. _Our foreheads were against each other and her hand was on my cheek and the other was holding my arm and my arm was lying casually on her waist. She was wearing that red dress she was wearing earlier and as we both open our eyes, Jessi caressed my cheek and smiled. "You're here."_

"_I said I would be." I said smiling back._

_She closed her eyes again and I wished we could stay in this memory because I too felt safe and happy. "This is nice." And I agreed_

"_I know you don't want to leave." _

_She sighed, "But I have to, don't I?"_

_I got up form the bed and walked around to the other side and offered her my hand. "I'll stay with you." She took it and got up and headed to the door. She put her hand on the door knob and looked back at me. "Whenever you're ready. You have to be the one who takes us."_

_She looked at the door and after a second, she yanked it open. Hand and hand, she pulled me with her and we were in the hall way in the apartment complex. Jessi looked back and so did I, and there they were, Jessi and Cassidy, just standing there in the memory. _

"_What is that sound?"_

"_I don't know Jessi."_

"_It sounds like butterfly wings."_

"_You said you saw blood." I said._

_She started walking toward Cassidy, "Yes, In the laundry basket. On a towel stuffed down at the bottom."_

"_We can stop if you need to." I told her. I didn't want her to feel anymore pain because right now, I had a bad feeling._

_She shook her head, "No, I can do this." Jessi looked around, "I don't see anything else."_

"_Try looking at the memory differently. At crime scenes, detectives use ultraviolet lights to view evidence."_

_She turned around and looked at me, "You mean blood evidence right?"_

"_Yes." It was all I could say. "Are you ok?" She nodded and I knew she was trying to be strong. "We can do the same by adjusting our vision to display the ultraviolet part of the spectrum our eyes normally can't see."_

_Jessi took a deep breath. "I'll try it." She closed her eyes and opened them again, adjusting her eyes. "It's working." She took a step forward, "I see something." She looked at the door and down at the floor. "It's more blood and more." she said as she looked as Cassidy's door. All of the sudden, she gasped loudly and screamed with horror._

Jessi jerked awake and sat up in the tub. The ice falling off of her while she was in panic. She was still screaming and she clutched on to my arm. "Jessi!" She fell back in the tub and clutched on to me like her life depended on it. "It's ok Jess!"

I could find no way to comfort her by my words so I got her to lean up and I got behind her inside the tub and I wrapped my arms around her as tightly as I could. "I'm sorry, it's ok. We're done! Don't worry, we're done! I'm sorry!" She sat between my legs trembling and shaking and Nichole rushed in. "Is she ok?"

I didn't say anything and Jessi was still crying. "I'm going to call a doctor." She said and rushed back out.

I keep soothing Jessi's hair and pushing it away from her face. "It's ok Jessi, We're not going back there, we'll solve it another way.

But Jessi grabbed hold of my arm and pulled it around her tighter, "No!" and then we were back in the memory.

_Jessi looked at Cassidy's door, "She's in there, she's in his apartment." She jetted to the door and started to try and open it but I stopped her._

"_Jessi stop."_

"_No! Help me; I need to get in there!"_

"_You can't, it's a memory, it's already happened." _

"_No let go of me, I can!" She pushed me away and franticly tried to open the door. "Sara! Sara!"_

_I pulled her away from the door and held on to her. "Jessi, please stop ok?" I took her head in my hands and got her to look at me. Her hands gripped my arms and vice versa. "What is that?" She asked and I could heart it to, but I recognized it before she did._

"_What? Do you know what it is?" She asked and the sound was getting slower. Jessi looked at me, "You do."_

"_Jessi."_

"_What? I don't…" my heart broke at the sight of her realizing that the sound was Sara's heart beat. "No!"_

"_Maybe it's not!"_

"_No, it's a heartbeat. It's Sara's heartbeat!" She shook her head. "Why didn't I recognize it?"_

_Jessi's voice was breaking. "Because it's slower than it should be. Kyle! She's dying in there!"_

_She tried to break free but I couldn't let her go. "Jessi, look at me! Look at me!" And she did. She stared in me eyes. "Don't look away, I'm right here." I cradled her face in my hands softly like she was breakable. "It's just you and me."_

"_Kyle."_

"_I know, I know, just stay with me."_

_We stared into each other's eyes, and I wanted to breakdown at the sight of her tears but I couldn't. I had to stay strong for her, I need to._

"_He killed her. I was here all along and I didn't save her!"_

"_You couldn't, you didn't know."_

_She shook her head, "She's dead. My mother is dead."_

_I couldn't make my mouth form any words. Everything she was feeling, I was feeling too and it was killing me. Never in my life had I ever felt this and more than anything in the world, I wanted to protect her from it. I rested my forehead against hers as Sara's heartbeat slowly stopped and then everything went black._

I opened my eyes and we were back at home. Jessi was still lying in my arms and her head was resting against my chest. I wanted to cry, I wanted to do something, to get revenge. Jessi turned her head away from me and I gently kissed her head while I pushed her hair from her face. My hands were wet from tears but I didn't care. I didn't care if we were both wet from the melted ice and Jessi's sweat. I just didn't care. I just held her while she cried because that was the only thing I could do and at that moment it was the only thing I wanted to be doing.

I didn't want to be anywhere else but with her and I was determined not to let her do through this alone. Even though we were connected, I still couldn't imagine what she was going through and I don't know if that was hurting me worse or the fact that the only thing I could possible do was be here for her because it felt like it wasn't enough. I could solve any mathematical equation and save Andy from cancer, I could even revive Jessi after her heart had stopped beating but now, as I felt from Jessi, I could feel that she didn't care if she died at that very moment and that was something I didn't know how to change.

After a while Jessi let go of me and got up without a word. I read her mind and I knew she was going to get a shower, but as she left, she didn't even look back at me and I didn't say a word. I just say there trying to figure out what I need to do.

Hours later, I took my laptop into the kitchen, I knew Jessi was in there and as I got closer, she spoke. "Hi." She said weakly, looking at the cup that was between her hands.

"Hey." I sat down beside her and she looked tired. "How do you feel?"

"Exhausted, drained, but a little bit free."

"Good."

She looked at me again and back at the laptop, "You didn't tell Nichole."

I shook my head. "I don't think anyone should know about this yet."

"I know it's not over."

"No."

"We need to find out why he did it."

"We will, but there's something I want you to see."

"What is it?" she asked looking up at me.

"There's a service that backs up cell phone data, even disposable cell phones."

"Like Sara's?" She asked hopefully.

I nodded. "I found her records."

"You did?"

"The call records lead no where but there were pictures she took." I handed her my laptop.

"Of what?"

"You." I said softly, watching as she clicked on the pictures. Her emotions changed and so did her facial expression. I couldn't stop staring at her as she flipped through pictures, each one bringing a smile closer to her face. She looked at me and smiled and I couldn't help but to smile back at her and after a few moments, I don't know what happened. I felt an urge and I reached out and caressed the side of her face. I wasn't thinking, didn't want to think. I just wanted to experience this moment that I knew would soon become a memory. I felt myself being drawn to her and before I knew it, our faces were inches apart and as we closed our eyes, our lips touched. I felt her smile and I smiled also.

I didn't feel butterflies like I had with Amanda; but instead, I felt a surge of electricity that flew throughout my whole body. I'd be lying if I didn't say that it didn't feel perfect. I pulled away and opened my eyes first, watching as uncertainty flashed in her eyes but I didn't want her to be uncertain anymore so I kissed her briefly again, regardless of the fact that I knew Nichole had seen us because I could feel her heartbeat as well as our own.

I knew Nichole wasn't going to agree with this, but right now I didn't care because I was living in a memory and I could only dread of what tomorrow would bring.


End file.
